Zengzi's Parenting Method

Zengzi, Who Valued Trust

Zengzi (曾子), the top disciple of Confucius, taught Confucius’s grandson, Zisi (子思), about his master’s Confucian ideas. Later, Zisi taught Mencius (孟子), helping to continue the Confucian tradition. Zengzi strictly followed the principle: "Words must be trustworthy, and actions must have results." He also applied this rule to raising his children. Let’s look at how he educated his child.

[Source of Zengzi: National Palace Museum]

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Zengzi Kept Even Small Promises to His Child

One day, Zengzi’s wife was going to the market, but their child cried and wanted to go with her. To calm the child, she said, "If you stay home and play, I will cook pork for you when I return." After she came back, Zengzi started preparing to butcher a pig. Surprised, his wife tried to stop him. But Zengzi said, "Are you planning to deceive our child? Don’t you know that children learn by watching their parents? If we don’t teach trust now, educating them in the future will be even harder!" So, he killed the pig and cooked the promised pork dish for their child. Zengzi never broke even a small promise to his child. His way of education later influenced Confucius’s grandson.

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Parents Should Check If a Child’s Desire Is Helpful for the Future

Parents cannot fulfill all their children’s desires. However, if they try to satisfy their children in the wrong way, they may harm them in the long run. That’s why parents must observe what their children want and consider whether it benefits their health and growth. Also, promises to children should be realistic, and once made, they must be kept. Many parents promise rewards if their children get good grades, but such promises can actually harm their learning. If parents want their children to study, they should help them enjoy learning. If studying becomes just a way to get a reward, children may lose interest. Therefore, parents must carefully judge whether their child’s desires will be helpful in the future.

 

Zengzi, who was Confucius’s top disciple, always kept his words.
He never broke even small promises to his child and educated Confucius’s grandson, Zisi, who later passed the teachings to Mencius, ensuring the continuation of Confucian traditions.
Parents must keep even small promises to their children.
So, they should make promises carefully for the sake of good education.

 

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